he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
