Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you. Go after that dick
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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