Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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