My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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