She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
