So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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