Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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