i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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