It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
