My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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