I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
