I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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