I just pynch a tree in the face
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
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She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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