chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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