You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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