I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
