I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i already hear my dad disowning me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
