i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
