We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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