Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
