she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
