Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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