Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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