Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
