i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
