i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
