ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
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Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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