Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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