Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
