Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A bitchslap is in order.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
