If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
