piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
