Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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