so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
