so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize