I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she looked like the before picture.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
