There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
