Umm I'm too high to move.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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