I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
