After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
