Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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