Will you blow on my dice?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
