youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
