Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
