you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
