We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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