I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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