Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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