Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
