i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
