I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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