OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
