We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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