The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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