I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
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I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
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My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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