i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
