its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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