I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
