I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
