Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
