i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
