In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
