Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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