i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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