Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
