Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
