can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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