my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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