WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
