Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
