i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
