Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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