then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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