Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
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On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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