Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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