It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
