I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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