I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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