i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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